GABRIELLA was caught dragging a giant fan out of the feed room. When questioned, she said, “If you wanted it, you should’ve put your name on it.”

VALENTINO has been spotted lying in the water trough… again. With a cucumber slice on each eye. Claims it’s “hydrotherapy,” not vanity. Sources say otherwise.

MOLLY straight-up shoved three smaller goats aside to stand directly in front of the barn’s only open freezer. She’s now being referred to as “The Freezer Queen.” No regrets.

CHARLIE has been yelling “I AM THE WIND” while standing in front of a fan. It’s unclear if he knows the fan is off. No one has the heart to tell him.

CATHY made shade by knocking over three feed buckets, a folding chair, and Farmer Jeff’s iced coffee. “Desperate times,” she whispered, adjusting her sunhat (no one gave her a sunhat).

BRIAN somehow got into the farmers’ popsicle stash. He claims it was “research” but now demands one every hour. Specifically purple. Only purple.

HENRY filed a formal complaint with Goat HR about “excessive UV exposure and emotional heat fatigue.” His proposed solution? A personal cabana and cold-pressed juice. He has yet to receive either. (Or he could just go into the barn, drink some fresh water and lounge in front of a fan)