Don't Say Gay Survival Kit (TOP SECRET)
Florida Republicans have cracked the gay agenda. We've come up with this kit to keep the gay agenda alive without saying 'gay'. Please purchase in bulk and distribute to all supporters of our agenda. We've come so far. We can't be stopped. Included in the kit will be two of each of the following:
Two gay gift bags, and these instructions. Please share with a fellow activist!
2, 12 oz Gay Vibes Candle:
Light this candle, and they'll be none the wiser. The delightful clean, floral notes have an undetectable undertone of gayety. The scent throw on this candle is extra wide so as to send our gay vibes as far as possible.
2 Gay Goo: Lip butter
Just like our normal Goo, but gay. The wax is actually melted in a drag queen's bra during a live performance. The added properties will make the user want to kiss others of the same gender who are wearing it as well. We need this one in everyone's pockets. Plus, it keeps your lips soft and supple for all that gay kissing.
2, 1 oz bottles Gay In A Day Face Tonic:
One application of this delightful face tonic and it's a done deal...gay. It does need daily reapplication to keep the converts. And their skin will look FABULOUS.
2 Gay Dreams Soap:
This is our Beekeeper soap with gay suggestive ingredients. Recommended for a long bath with a Gay Vibes candle right before bedtime. Guaranteed to provide delightful, gay dreams for the user. The goat milk will keep their skin fresh and youthful, which is important because gay culture can be brutal.
These kits should be distributed extensively in FL and any other red state. It's important we make this preemptive strike before the other states follow Florida's lead. Our own state already stopped an author from reading a book about a rainbow unicorn, and it didn't even have any gay subtext! This is not a drill. The gay agenda CANNOT die.
Keep these instructions away from anyone who has ever mentioned the gay agenda in a derisive tone. If caught with the kit just say that the flamboyant guy on the next block left a box on your front step with the kit, and you're on your way to dispose of it properly.
These are also a great gift for anyone who is an ally and has a sense of humor. C'mon Florida!
Buying all of these products separately would cost over $120, and you get the products and 2 festive gift bags for just $75!